Love and Mindfulness as Nourishment
While mindfulness has been a big part of my life over the last several years, I somehow had not come across one of its founding fathers until I was looking for quotes describing love for my wedding in February of 2020. Our officiant asked that we find favorite quotes about love so that he could write something for us. I found words from astronomers, songwriters, film makers, and writers, but the words that resonated with me most, nearly two years since my wife and I were married, were from the late teacher, poet, monk, Thích Nhất Hạnh.
Thích Nhất Hạnh is considered to be one of the biggest influences of mindfulness coming to the west. He was born in 1926 and spent his life establishing monasteries, schools, writing over 130 books, as well as helping and inspiring countless people throughout his life. He was the subject of several films, books, and even a graphic novel. He preached nonviolence and was ever the activist, spreading his message of mindfulness and love.
He described love like this: “Every one of us is trying to find our true home. Some of us are still searching. Our true home is inside, but it’s also in our loved ones around us. When you’re in a loving relationship, you and the other person can be a true home for each other.” And he described it like this: “When you love someone, you have to have trust and confidence. Love without trust is not yet love. Of course, first you have to have trust, respect, and confidence in yourself. Trust that you have a good and compassionate nature. You are part of the universe; you are made of stars. When you look at your loved one, you see that they are also made of stars and carry eternity inside. Looking in this way, we naturally feel reverence. True love cannot be without trust and respect for oneself and for the other person.”
Love is hard to find. There is a vulnerability necessary that for a lot of people can feel so intimidating. Getting married felt to me like making a leap of faith. While it was happening, I could not help but be aware of those feelings of love, trust, and vulnerability that Thích Nhất Hạnh spoke about. It felt like a long exhale throughout my body that provided relief and nourishment.
Right after the ceremony, one of my aunts came up to me and told me how she wishes my grandmother could’ve been there to see it, because she would’ve loved it. I broke into tears when she said that. I think it’s because I felt that eternity seeping through all of us that Thích Nhất Hạnh describes.
Thích Nhất Hạnh died at the age of 95 last month. I have a feeling his words and his message will live on as long as there is love to share. Rest in peace to Thích Nhất Hạnh. Happy valentines to everyone and happy anniversary to Sarah.